Have you ever driven past a church sign and cringed? I must admit I do it often. Driving home from town I pass two churches with blaring signs … usually with horrible theology. I have yet to figure out if the signs are for “church folk” or an attempt to woo people to Jesus; either way, I usually role my eyes or fight the bile from rising in my throat.
Good | Decent | Thought Provoking
- The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.
- Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
- A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.
- Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
- There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
- Get down on your knees and fight like a man.
- No amount of darkness can hide a spark of light.
- The lesser of two evils is still evil.
Bad | Horrible Theology | Make Me Squirm (and maybe vomit)
- God could not be everywhere, so He created mothers.
- I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.
- We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
- Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.
- Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.
- Redemption: God’s recycling plan.
- Pobody is nerfect.
- The only person you can change is yourself.
- You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.
- If you’re going through hell, just keep going.
- What you are is God’s gift to you, what you do with yourself is your gift to God.
- We can resist anything except temptation.
- God gave you two hands: one to help yourself, one to help others.
Just Plain Dumb (okay, and some bad theology too)
- If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love the church.
- Thou shalt not lie … in bed on Sunday morning! Come to church.
- Planning to go to Heaven? Get your flight training here.
- Crack the Bible, get high on Jesus.
- Pre-paid Master card, sign up today.
- Biscuits and sermons are improved by shortening.
- Prayer is the ultimate wireless connection.
- God’s April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- Go bananas for Jesus, he has the most appeal.
- Tired of being a loser? Turn to Jesus.
- Park your keester here this Easter.
*the above picture is supposedly fake, though I wouldn’t be surprised . . .