Have you ever driven past a church sign and cringed? I must admit I do it often. Driving home from town I pass two churches with blaring signs … usually with horrible theology. I have yet to figure out if the signs are for “church folk” or an attempt to woo people to Jesus; either way, I usually role my eyes or fight the bile from rising in my throat.

This past Christmas, my brother and sister-in-law graciously gave me a daily calendar of . . . church signs. 365 days of sayings found in front of churches. And sadly this is not the first year for the church sign daily calendar. While I will confess there was a (ever so small) handful of thought provoking statements, most were either horrible or completely dumb. Recently, I got fed up with what I read, so I went through the entire stack throwing most away and separating the most glaring into three categories. Let me give you a few examples of each.

Good | Decent | Thought Provoking

  • The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.
  • Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
  • A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.
  • Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
  • There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
  • Get down on your knees and fight like a man.
  • No amount of darkness can hide a spark of light.
  • The lesser of two evils is still evil.


Bad | Horrible Theology | Make Me Squirm (and maybe vomit)

  • God could not be everywhere, so He created mothers.
  • I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.
  • We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
  • Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.
  • Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.
  • Redemption: God’s recycling plan.
  • Pobody is nerfect.
  • The only person you can change is yourself.
  • You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.
  • If you’re going through hell, just keep going.
  • What you are is God’s gift to you, what you do with yourself is your gift to God.
  • We can resist anything except temptation.
  • God gave you two hands: one to help yourself, one to help others.


Just Plain Dumb (okay, and some bad theology too)

  • If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love the church.
  • Thou shalt not lie … in bed on Sunday morning! Come to church.
  • Planning to go to Heaven? Get your flight training here.
  • Crack the Bible, get high on Jesus.
  • Pre-paid Master card, sign up today.
  • Biscuits and sermons are improved by shortening.
  • Prayer is the ultimate wireless connection.
  • God’s April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
  • Go bananas for Jesus, he has the most appeal.
  • Tired of being a loser? Turn to Jesus.
  • Park your keester here this Easter.


*the above picture is supposedly fake, though I wouldn’t be surprised . . .

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