Church Signs

Have you ever driven past a church sign and cringed? I must admit I do it often. Driving home from town I pass two churches with blaring signs … usually with horrible theology. I have yet to figure out if the signs are for “church folk” or an attempt to woo people to Jesus; either way, I usually role my eyes or fight the bile from rising in my throat.

Good | Decent | Thought Provoking

• The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.
• Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
• A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks.
• Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.
• There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap.
• Get down on your knees and fight like a man.
• No amount of darkness can hide a spark of light.
• The lesser of two evils is still evil.

Bad | Horrible Theology | Make Me Squirm (and maybe vomit)

• God could not be everywhere, so He created mothers.
• I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.
• We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
• Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life.
• Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.
• Redemption: God’s recycling plan.
• Pobody is nerfect.
• The only person you can change is yourself.
• You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.
• If you’re going through hell, just keep going.
• What you are is God’s gift to you, what you do with yourself is your gift to God.
• We can resist anything except temptation.
• God gave you two hands: one to help yourself, one to help others.

Just Plain Dumb (okay, and some bad theology too)

• If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love the church.
• Thou shalt not lie … in bed on Sunday morning! Come to church.
• Planning to go to Heaven? Get your flight training here.
• Crack the Bible, get high on Jesus.
• Pre-paid Master card, sign up today.
• Biscuits and sermons are improved by shortening.
• Prayer is the ultimate wireless connection.
• God’s April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
• Go bananas for Jesus, he has the most appeal.
• Tired of being a loser? Turn to Jesus.
• Park your keester here this Easter.

*the above picture is supposedly fake, though I wouldn’t be surprised . . .